I have come to realize that i try too hard. i want what i want, and somehow i never stop an let things be. i am always trying different angles and attempting to coax things to be exactly what i want. it is like dangling a carrot in front of life. It came to light as to why this isn't working for me anymore. Always having your hand in something takes away from the genuine nature of the act. it is like circling exactly what you want in a magazine and leaving it out for someone to find rather than having someone think about you and come up with a special and suiting gift all on their own. That little something makes it genuine and special. It is something that i cannot fulfill for myself, and i have to step back and let things happen. If they don't happen, then it wasn't meant to be. i cannot force someone to understand me, or force them to be one step ahead. It is what i yearn for, but i cannot create it.
i have also seen that even though i may be looking for understanding and comfort, i cannot make that come either. If someone initially wants to pity themselves, that is their choice. Although it doesn't fulfill my needs, it doesn't mean that something wasn't taken away from the conversation. At first they may wallow, but hopefully will turn the lemons into lemonade.
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