It's been AWHILE

In an instant it seems, I have been given a true and pure love like I have never experienced before. Security and trust are paramours. You can't have one without the other, and in my life I have never found the ability to allow that until now. As each day passes, the idea of a soul mate seemingly makes more and more sense. I more or less have always wanted what is unfolding before my eyes, but I did not believe it was actually possible. I felt as though personal choices and a more structured sort of decision was the key to a successful partnership. An emotional connect and attraction always started things off, but then a more practical mind set would settle in, possibly because of the examples laid out for me from an early age, or the state of which our society casts an unfavorable connotation on marriage. Either way, likely a mixture of both, led me to believe that the simplicity of true love was just a fairy tale . Innocence did not last long, and a less than ideal "American dream" was spawned in my mind.

I believe that this past year has brought me to a new understanding of trust in myself, and not feeling so suppressed with worry that i am not fulfilling what was intended for me or expected of me. I still have some angst, which isn't entirely negative, but I also can't beat myself up any longer for things that have not yet even occurred. Fear is such a strong emotion that can seep into every crevice of your existence. Worrying is merely a result of fear which consumes more time and space than it deserves and can only feed inefficiency. Learning how to let go, even if it took nearly falling off the edge, was something in my life that needed to progress. Finding that one thing leads to another, and the choreography of life is just as amazing as the creation of it, all the way down to each blade of grass and every cell in your body. Puzzling isn't it, when you're on the roller coaster of life and you thought you had forgotten to take that deep breath at the top, but then all of a sudden you are at the bottom, and no quicker do you try to inhale, you are already on another upward incline...Finding myself in a position of unadulterated happiness without fear has been the most freeing and remarkable emotional acquisition I have secured in my life. And the anticipation of what is yet to come has begun the most profound impact on my heart and soul. I mean, it's simply amazing when life hands you things at the least expected of times. I am also finding that in crisis comes great things, and although I am very capable and have become somewhat adapted to avoid things, when confronted I tend to open more doors than necessary. Once the issues have emerged, I find no other choice but to inundate myself with it all, trying to solve everything and nothing all at once, which creates a ton of confusion and despair; but with hindsight, I see that it played out just the way it was supposed to. Nothing will ever be completely resolved because of the constant momentum of life, and every experience has its impact which will always resurface as each life event unfolds. The only way to ensure your existence is to know these fundamental lessons of life are purposeful. The power of positivity is such a phenomenon. What a gift, this life we have been given, and the resolves that come, every step of the way. I really am in awe of the timing, and so hopeful of future. The domino effect that the most current turmoil has brought out of me, and my thoughts just really have become so enlightened and there is a calmness I am experiencing for the first time in my life. This stint of growth has exposed a feeling that I think I suppressed from a lack of innocence or possibly never knew, or at least never grasped to this degree. A childlike renewal of clarity with a new found belief of love and an even deeper understanding of gratitude and commitment, the possibilities are infinite and even more so --inspirationally exciting :).